Welcome to PFM Blog!
Welcome to PFM Blog!
Traveled 230,000 miles with these signs, delivering RV's throughout the Pacific NW, Canada and Alaska. Truck drivers, service station attendants shared  prersonal stories.

Traveled 230,000 miles with these signs, delivering RV's throughout the Pacific NW, Canada and Alaska. Truck drivers, service station attendants shared prersonal stories.

A place to reveal the secret pain and grief of early childhood emotional, psychological and physical abuse, brutality and torture, and all forms of child sexual abuse, brutality and torture.  This includes rape, incest, pornography, ritual abuse-torture (RAT), cult violence and religious atrocities.  A response to childhood violence either turns rage inward, into self-destruction (addictions) or outward in violence towards others (domestic violence abusers, bullies).  Sometimes the combination of psychological terror, physical pain and sexual violence causes a child’s undeveloped mind to seek numbness in mental illness of varying degrees.  Response to violence is very complicated and unpredictable which is why this subject is so difficult to explain.   There is no single  response to violence.  

The ultimate goal of this blog is to give a voice to those who keep dark secrets. By revealing a secret it no longer hold power.  It is the most important step to break the chain of addiction,  reach permanent sobriety and ultimately heal. 

 A  “chi-ult” is an adult locked at the emotional age when secret trauma took place.  Unable to heal because of keeping secrets, the child matures but remains at the emotional age when the trauma took place.  Repeat offenders are one example, repeating the same behavior over and over thinking the outcome will somehow be different.  

Rules:  Read comments and listen. Be respectful of others.  Rage at the perpetrators in your past, but please don’t rage at each other.

By request I can install a private blog for people who want more privacy.  Just ask.

Please keep in mind that all comments will be moderated.  I fully expect this site to be overwhelmed at some point so will need people to be moderators.

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  1. Keep up the great work Sue, your PFM
    site is looking great!!!

    1. Thank you for the feedback! This is a brand new blog so please point out any bugs you may find. I appreciate feedback so this site will be easy to use.

  2. I am very interested in this site and look forward to discussing some of the topics brought into the light by this site. I am very impressed with the layout and the obvious dedication and work put into this site. Although, I am having difficulty signing in after registering. I have been looking for such a site for some time. I have been processing what happened to me for a long time, I am now 35 years old and beginning to realize in reality that what happened to me was not okay and has been the cause of a great deal of my doubt and confusion within my relationship, which, thankfully has remained strong. We both have similar backgrounds. I will keep reading the site and looking for new members.

  3. Thank you for sharing. This will be the place to leave collective pain so wounded chi-ults can place a firm step on the road to healing.

  4. Hello. Just wanted to say I like this site. It is painful to read about things that happened to me as a kid. But I keep reading and using the child abuse form so I can document time lines to help organize my blurred life. It has taken a long time to accept the fact that family members can and will betray one of their own. Even today they are in denial so I go on without them. Thank you.

  5. Hello ! My sister told me about this site and I feel sure it will help both of us. I am a Ph.D. Psychologist, and am now disabled due to the trauma suffered as an infant through age 4 or 5. My sister and I were abused by a sex cult group which included our parents. We were loaned out to couples and raped, denied treatment, isolated and tortured in a number of ways including electrocution. Our parents are in denial, but our mother admitted it, when I broke through the repressed memories and re-lived the abuse. My knowledge in Psychology and Neuro-Psychology helped me survive this period. It has been 9 years now and I am healing slowly. I have begun to explore your site, but am experiencing pain in a sensitive area of past damage, so I am going to take it slow and easy does it ! Thank You. Peace and love to all.

    1. Trombone9, thank you for sharing. You may find that at http://www.ritualabusetorture.org/ these people can help you more than I can. They seem to have an absolute high level of understanding and experience with the subject of RAT. This group is located in Halifax, Nova Scotia, Canada. Although they are a long ways away, you can connect through the Internet.

      Cults stay far underground and thus off the publics radar. To me, the memories aren’t repressed as much as they are denied by the adult perpetrators until the child is forced to suppress the truth in order to fall into line with their parents beliefs. A child doesn’t stand a chance at sorting out the truth if the people they trusted as innocent, vulnerable children continue to lie/deny to them. But the deep, disturbing memories will not let the child rest.

      I feel so strongly that our socieity must throw off the secrecy surrounding child sexual abuse, brutality and torture. A child should never feel shame at what happened to them as little kids. Unfortunately we protect the perpetrators instead of the child.

  6. Thanks for the support ! My sister and I were starting to communicate more closely, but I fear that it was too fast for her. I was threatened by my Mother, to be cut off, and dealt no inheritance. I got one message across to her, that I am willing and able to go it on my own. She backed off , but I feel sick. The abusive father is dying, and if he were pure evil, it would be easy. But, of course he had some good in him. Mixed feelings are tough! Just want to say I appreciate what You are doing ! Trombone9

    1. Go slow and easy. Give her time and space. You can overload yourself or each other, healing at different speeds. Your experiences are the same yet different, as even a year apart in age gives a whole different perspective.

      If your mother didn’t know about the abuse then it might be a shock to her. Her first response would be to defend her husband and your father. Give her time too. You will all need to heal and hers will also be at a different speed than you and your sister. She will be looking at it from a wife’s point of view, while you and your sister were children.

      Rarely are even evil people pure evil. We all have out great moments too. I see most parents, myself included, mirroring the voice of my own parents, short tempered at times with sharp answers to silence an annoying kid! What I have observed is that we don’t know just what went on when they were children. If your father was abusive, I can almost bet he wasn’t nearly as abusive as his father was to him. It seems mostly that parents try to do a better job but it is so hard to follow a different path when raised in an abusive environment as a child.

      I was married to an abusive spouse but when he was dying he asked to see me and I started taking care of him on Saturdays so his son and family could go to wrestling matches. That meant a long drive from Seattle to Portland for me. He had been the greatest love of my life but I had to leave him to live. By the time we reunited, he was confined to a wheel chair and had his right arm amputated due to various cancers. Not much to fear from him anymore. I still loved him deeply and it crushed my heart to see him waste away. Taking care of him willingly helped heal my heart in the long run. I was able to tell him how much I loved him and how sorry I was that it didn’t work out.

      I do hope my website helps other people figure out the trauma they expereinced as kids so that they don’t go through half their life wasting it by substance abuse. September 10th will be my 19th year sober and that is a miracle in itself.

      Thank you for sharing.


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